July 2006 Archives
FreeNYC, Free Events in New York City
There is no denying that having fun in New York City has become quite a costly venture. Being bored and broke in one of the boroughs seems to be common thread in many of our lives. FreeNYC is the product of a few such New Yorkers who are determined to have fun and explore the city without completely draining their dwindling bank accounts.
Morning. First morning in NYC - got here okay and managed to sleep and wake up at normal times, which is good. Today.. I'm not sure what to do, I think I might go downtown, find some breakfast and read my book in the park.
I am checking email while I'm away - you can email me at matt [at] cnuk [dot] org
I find that when an artist or philosopher discovers “open source” they then try to either apply its principles to their work or to decide what those principles are based on. Since Open Source is a term carefully designed to discard the ethical basis of Free Software, they invariably confuse the hell out of themselves. God help them if they read ‘The Cathedral and The Bazaar’.
Alternatively, is an artist discovering free software is more likely to act differently, applying principles of community and sharing to their work?
Six times.
at the airport now. Manchester is a big, proper airport. Keep seeing this random girl from Leeds around, must be five times now. If i see her again, i'll be convinced i've got a stalker. Now, i just have to sit around and not sleep till i'm on the plane. Drinking beer at 8am is strangely acceptable, perhaps because my body clock appears to be flashing 12:00 right now.
it's 5.14am here in Leeds and i'm tired. i've not slept all night, so that i will sleep on the plane. I'm sat at the train station, waiting for the train to take to Manchester airport, and on to New York City. I think i've got everything, i've certainly got my computer, my phone, my passport and my tickets, plus money and directions. I'm sure i'll be okay. Next post will be the airport.
Dear Pizza Hut,
I feel the Pizza Hut restaurant chain would do well to reintroduce its phrase 'Let's hit the hut' back into the public arena. Not only does this differ from the phrase 'Let's have some pizza', it also includes the word 'hut' which rhymes with 'gut' - gut of course, is a well known euphemism for the stomach. Endulge me if you will, but here's my idea.
A fat man and a thin lady are sitting on their red sofa. They are hungry and very much in love. They are thinking of things to eat. The fat man is especially hungry and will probably eat his own hands if not fed soon, so the lady, knowing that the man will probably bite off his own writing limbs suggests they hit the hut. The man mishears her and begins to beat his stomach like a drum.
Then they go to Pizza Hut.
The sofa was red, because that is the corporate colour of Pizza Hut. In actual fact, most sofas are not red, but white, or grey, or maybe blue, but not red. Still, the pizza hungry masses will not notice this, and you can pass the advert off as something normal. Also, fat people will really like it, especially men as it will give something to look forward to, between meals, snacks and elevenses, which brings me neatly onto my next idea. It's called 'Hut Time' and it basically means you get the £3.49 lunch deal a bit cheaper if you come in at 11. In fact, it is over £1.20 cheaper, depending on what time you arrive at Pizza Hut, and 2p is applied for each minute after 11... see, it pays to skip work and go and eat Pizza - it pays to hit the hut.
If you would like to expand upon any of the concepts I have included here, please let me know. I regularly enjoy pizza and would be more than interested in any anecdotes about pizza you have to share.
Yours, with love,
matt
PS. I might hit the hut soon.
Dear KFC Company,
I am writing from my bed, as I am terribly confused by the KFC corporate logo. For many years, I have been plagued by the notion that Colonel Sanders may have suffer from gigantism, brought on by the 'special' recipe that would ultimately be his downfall.
You see, to the casual onlooker, it really does appear that Col. Sanders was a giant head on a very small, stick like body. In order to demonstrate this more clearly, I have mocked up a new image, using the head of the well known actor, Brian Blessed.
As you can see, Mr Blessed's head is huge in comparison to his body, and yet WE KNOW THIS TO NOT BE TRUE, and yet I am unable to find any photographic evidence that Colonel Sanders did not waste away, thin and unsightly, nor can I find photographs that prove he did not have a massive head on an otherwise small body, and yet this image appears to be printed on virtually everything produced by your company.
Please clarify the situation for me, so I may one day live in a world without fear of giant Colonels fighting Brian Blessed over hot wings and other deep fried battered poultry.
Yours, with love,
matt
Dear Burger King UK,
I am pleased to see the introduction of the Burger King mascot into your recent advertising slogans, however I feel you may be missing a trick here. Instead of being a human man king who is the king of the Burger, the Burger King should literally be a Burger. The top half of the bun would be his face, with some kind of spherical vegetable for eyes, the burger would form his mouth (perhaps with bacon for a tongue) and the bottom bun would be the remainder of his body. He would have plastic forks for hands, straws for feet, would sit on a throne made of plastic cups and would have a crown made of golden french fries. He would be the best king. His slogan would be 'I'm the Burger King' which should be said in a slightly whimsical Northern accent and his close friends would be a Chicken Strip called Duncan, a pair of Whopper Junior children, a Spicy Beanburger Lesbian called Anna and he would be married to a beautiful veggie burger called V. There would be no sexual undertone amongst the characters and they would live happily in a world of balanced diets and social awareness.
I am fully available to discuss my idea further, or indeed to provide you with the voice of the Burger King, upon request.
Please find attached my drawing of what the Burger King would look like.
Yours, with love,
matt
I think it's an advert for keyboards, but I'm not sure.
I want a real fucking keyboard like Mark, who has just quit using OS X, along with Cory Doctorow - I just have one question. What the hell did I start here? ;)
Thanks to Simon for the link. He's not the bloke who talks about cheesecakes btw. He just talks about why DNS is fucked or something.
I hate sports, and here's why - they bring out the part of most people that is best left hidden away. Competitive sports, as opposed to friendly, non aggressive sports like the ones played by nuns are the main problem as I see it. Put a bunch of loud, drunk people in a place full of similar folk, add a healthy dose of xenophobia, some jingoism and some good old fashioned violent behaviour and you've got the kind of people we could all do without. Football appears to be the worst for breeding these people, and that's not to say that all football fans are in anyway mentally deficient, because I know that to untrue, but it does turn most seemingly well balanced, sensible, highly likable people into something I can't comprehend. I'm told 'people put football before their friends' or 'people put football before their weddings' and I think 'Yeah, stupid people.' but even that seems harsh. It does something to them though. It makes them dislikable and makes them seem like the very people we'd normally mock.
That's why I hate sports - they turn the people I love and care about into the very people I despise most.
Oh yes, and I realise I made a sport, but it's purposely anti this kind of crap.
